Parental Alienation is Accepted as Real in CA Family Courts

Parental Alienation is a gender-neutral mental illness, and it's existence is denied only by left-leaning feminist organizations like NOW. Why is this?

In California, PA is recognized as very real by The Family Law Executive Committee of the California State Bar (FLEXCOM) and The California Psychologist Association (CPA).

Parental Alienation And False & Malicious Domestic Violence Allegations

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a generally recognized platform that may result in child abuse.

This occurs when a custodial parent of a child from a separated family uses deception to deliberately alienate children from their non custodial parent.

Misplaced Domestic Violence Restraining and Protective Orders are an excellent tool to advance the Alienating Parent’s malice! Misguided Protective Orders of a Court based on such false representations may remove the Accused Abuser Parent from the home, bar the Accused Abuser from seeing his/her children and give the Alienating Parent total physical custody of the children.

The Accused Abuser Parent is now effectively “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”.

Once the Alienator obtains a Restraining Order through false domestic violence allegations, the Accused Abuser Parent may find it difficult to defend himself or herself against the false allegations. This sends the implied message to the children that “Daddy/Mommy” is bad or dangerous, stamped by the court.

The Accused Abuser Parent may only see his/her children in a cold and uninviting supervised visitation setting. Supervised Visitation Centers are facilities where a child is taken to meet with the Accused Abuser Parent in a third party monitored location.

A third party observes the Accused Abuser Parent during their visit with their children so that the child is “protected” at all times.

Often the supervised visit is demeaning for the visiting parent in the eyes of his/her child. The impression to the child that “Daddy or Mommy” is dangerous comes across loud and clear since most children only see lock up situations on TV and these people are seriously viewed as being bad.

Many Alienating Parents use this scary situation to encourage their child not to see the Accused Abuser Parent at all. The more time a child is out of contact with the Alienated Parent the deeper the scaring and recovery period for that child.

Dr. Richard A. Gardner coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS) in 1985. Dr. Gardner found that a child subjected to continual negativity and manipulation by the Custodial Parent over an extended period of time against the other parent would eventually adapt the distorted view presented. At the end of the day, what the Alienating Parent fails to understand is that his/her selfishness makes his/her child the “victim” who pays a hefty price in lost self esteem.

Unfortunately, False Domestic Violence Allegations have become more common in Divorce / Child Custody Proceedings.

Most Judges usually enter a restraining or protective order for the safety of the child and in too many cases an Accused Abuser Parent is guilty until proven innocent!

Tags: alienate children, Alienating Parents, child custody, Child Custody Proceedings, custodial parent, dallas divorce attorney, divorce attorney, Domestic Violence Allegations, Dr. Richard A. Gardner, false allegations, False Domestic Violence Allegations, Misplaced Domestic Violence Restraining, non-custodial parent, parental alienation, parental alienation in texas, Parental Alienation Syndrome, Protective Orders, Restraining Order, Supervised Visitation, Supervised Visitation Centers

This entry was posted on Monday, May 24th, 2010 at 6:07 am and is filed under Divorce & Family Law. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Round 2 of Campaign to Ask DSM to Include Parental Alienation—We’ve Made Progress, but Need You to Act Again

February 15th, 2010 by Glenn Sacks, MA, Executive Director

Fathers & Families wants to ensure that the DSM-5 Task Force is aware of the scope and severity of Parental Alienation. To this end, in December we asked our supporters to write the Task Force to urge them to consider including Parental Alienation Disorder in DSM-5. As usual, your response was overwhelming. It also helped lead to progress–while as expected the newly-released draft version does not specifically include Parental Alienation Disorder, the DSM-5 Task Force has now listed Parental Alienation Disorder among the “Conditions Proposed by Outside Sources…that are still under consideration by the work groups.”

The Task Force says it “welcome[s] your comments on whether available evidence indicates that the following [disorders] should be included in DSM-5.” Fathers & Families is asking its supporters to write to the Task Force and again emphasize that Parental Alienation Disorder is a large-scale problem–to do so, please click here.

As in Round 1, Fathers & Families will print out your letter and send it by regular US mail to the three relevant figures in DSM-V: David J. Kupfer, M.D., the chair of the DSM-V Task Force; Darrel A. Regier, M.D., vice-chair of the DSM-V Task Force; and Daniel S. Pine, M.D., chair of the DSM-V Disorders in Childhood and Adolescence Work Group.

This isn’t easy–as Dr. Kupfer recently told the media, ”The door to get in [the manual] is pretty hard.” But Parental Alienation Disorder does merit serious consideration.

Many observers have noted that hundreds of mental health professionals, doctors, educators, family law professionals and prominent citizens endorsed our campaign. If you belong to one of these groups and would like to be publicly listed as an endorser, please see our endorsement statement in the right-hand column and submit your name, title, city and state to us at GlennSacks@FathersandFamilies.org.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article Mental health professionals getting update on definitions (2/15/10) details the DSM-V process:

[There are] many questions that scores of mental health professionals wrestled with for nearly a decade, as they conducted their periodic update of the neuroses of an evolving society.

The result of their work was unveiled by the American Psychiatric Association last week, as a draft version of the new “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.”

Known as the DSM-5, because it represents the fifth edition of this exhaustive bible for psychiatrists, psychologists and others, it attempts to catalog [disorders]…

The first update since 1994 also includes descriptions of depression, sleep disorders, alcohol abuse and other common maladies, but everything gets a fresh look because of the volume of new research and science affecting how they’re all regarded, said David Kupfer, the University of Pittsburgh psychiatry professor who chaired the DSM-5 task force.

The final product will go into the offices of all sorts of health professionals — from psychiatrists to family practitioners — while also influencing treatment payments by insurance companies, drug development by the pharmaceutical industry and future research by government and academia.

Dr. Kupfer, the longtime head of Pitt’s psychiatry department before stepping down in October, said the manual remains a work in progress, with revisions based on public and professional reaction before final publication in 2013.

“We weren’t out to make major changes, but so much has happened that we needed to address, that some may accuse us of being overambitious,” he said…Dr. Kupfer…said there is intense discussion during every update about what problems merit entering the manual for the first time…

“The door to get in [the manual] is pretty hard,” Dr. Kupfer said. “Once you’re in the club, it’s then hard to get out. All of us are a little tight about admitting people in the club.”

Again, write to the DSM-5 Task Force by clicking here.

Together with you in the love of our children,

Glenn Sacks, MA
Executive Director, Fathers & Families

Ned Holstein, M.D., M.S.
Founder, Chairman of the Board, Fathers & Families

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 10:29 pm and is filed under Fathers & Families Advocacy Group, Parental Alienation/PAS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

Capitol Weekly: Preventing courts from considering Parental Alienation will harm kids

By Glenn Sacks, Michael Robinson | 02/25/10 12:00 AM PST

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In “Parental Alienation must be excluded” (Capitol Weekly, Feb. 8), Preston Thymes, the head of public relations for the domestic violence service provider Shelter Outreach Plus, criticizes efforts by Fathers & Families and others to promote recognition of Parental Alienation. While Thymes and Shelter Outreach Plus often do noble work in aiding battered women, Thymes misunderstands several key aspects of Parental Alienation and child custody battles.

The Family Law Section of the State Bar of California explains that alienation tactics often include:

“[C]ancel[ing] the other parent’s visit without telling the child that the visit has been cancelled, creating a ‘let down’ for the child when that parent does not ‘show up’ for the visit. Threats could also be made against the child for wanting to have visitation with the other parent - ‘Fine, if you want to see [your other parent] tonight, then you are grounded for the rest of the week.’

Guilt can also be used to influence a child to avoid visitation - ‘I’m not feeling well and I wish you would stay here with me, but if you have to see [your other parent] I will understand.’ Rewards can also be used - ‘Sure, you can see [your other parent] today, but I thought we would go play laser tag with your friends today.’”

Parental Alienation is a common, well-documented phenomenon that is the subject of numerous studies and articles in peer-reviewed scholarly journals. For example, a longitudinal study published by the American Bar Association in 2003 followed 700 “high conflict” divorce cases over a 12 year period and found that elements of PA were present in the vast majority of the cases studied.

At Fathers & Families, we receive thousands of heart-wrenching calls and letters from parents whose children have been taught to fear or hate them. Both mothers and fathers can be perpetrators of Parental Alienation, but the true victims are always the children.
Thymes asserts that recognizing Parental Alienation as a legitimate issue in custody cases would endanger abused children. But in genuine cases of domestic violence or child abuse, all sides agree that courts need to protect children from abusive parents. Yet there is a large body of evidence which shows that false accusations of domestic violence are a major problem in child custody cases.

Unfortunately, Shelter Outreach Plus, like many domestic violence service providers, displays a troubling lack of awareness of this problem. Thymes writes:
“At Shelter Outreach plus, we render any claims of Parental Alienation invalid…we absolutely do everything we can to keep [the father alleged to be abusive] away from those children [including] our legal advocates through restraining orders…”

Thymes apparently feels that a mere accusation equals the truth, and that judges should not even consider whether an accuser is misleading the court.
Thymes and Shelter Outreach Plus favor AB 612, a bill to bar litigants or custody evaluators from making any reference to Parental Alienation in family court. This deeply-flawed bill, which will be considered by the Senate Judiciary Committee this spring, is opposed by practically all organizations which represent the professionals who work in the family law field.

Those listed as opposed include: the Judicial Council; the California Judges Association; the Family Law Section of the State Bar; the California Psychological Association; the Association of Certified Family Law Specialists; the Association of Family Conciliation Courts; and numerous others.

The California Psychological Association writes that the bill ignores the “significant scientific and agreed-upon knowledge base of the last 30 years on children who are alienated” and describes AB 612 as a “scientifically inaccurate measure [which] assumes the truth of any accusation of abuse.”

The Assembly analysis explains that AB 612 is so extreme that if it is passed, in court “something as simple as a child not wanting to visit a parent cannot, potentially as a matter of law, be caused by the other parent.”
The analysis notes:

”[A]ny broad restriction on the information the court can consider could well unintentionally compromise the court’s ability to make determinations that are in children’s best interests, and could inadvertently compromise child safety.”

Certainly there are fathers (and mothers) who have alienated their children through inept parenting, narcissism, drug or alcohol problems, or abuse, and who attempt to shift the blame to their exes by falsely claiming Parental Alienation. Sometimes, as research by Janet R. Johnston Ph.D. of San Jose State University confirms, Parental Alienation exists but is only one of several factors causing a deterioration of the parent-child bond.

Sometimes parental alienators are unaware of their harmful actions.

Nevertheless, Parental Alienation is a serious problem. When fact-finding in custody cases, judges and custody evaluators must be able to properly consider all available evidence. When abuse is alleged, the accusation merits serious consideration.

When Parental Alienation is alleged, the accusation merits serious consideration, too.

« Done

Capitol Weekly: Preventing courts from considering parental alienation will harm kids.

Parental Alienation Destroys Lives.... Forever

Parental Alienation Destroys Lives.... Forever

The damage done from parental alienation will last throughout a child's life. The one person who was most important to them has been defamed not only by the custodial parent... but by the child as well. What a heavy burden for one to carry throughout their lives. That they not only lost their father/mother for life... but they played a part in removing that person from their life. My guess is that any child who goes through parental alienation will go through their life incomplete, anxiety ridden, and with many misplaced feelings.

Gary's own daughter will turn eighteen this year. She's been doing a series of vlogs on youtube, and to me they are quite interesting. She's no longer slamming him and burning his picture hoping that he burns in hell. No. She doesn't even mention his name. It's as though he never existed. She's all happy and everything... or so she seems. But I can see through her facade. This kid will have problems all of her life. Her dad was a wonderful father, and she lost him at 13 and she played a part in that alienation.... something she will either some day have to face, or go through her life living with a lie that will affect every aspect of her life. I feel sorry for her.

Posted by chambrayblue

Alec Baldwin is not Alone: Parental Alienation Destroys Lives.... Forever.

Solutions for Parental Alienation (PAS) Part 2

Solutions for Parental Alienation (PAS) Part 2 by Martyn Carruthers Would you like to benefit from our experience?

We offer private and telephone coaching and training on systemic coaching,
quality relationships, family chaos and resolving parenting stress.

PAS Part 1 - Before Adolescence . Emotional Incest

Parental Alienation Part 2 - After Adolescence

Often, children perceive their parents in a black or white world. They may generally perceive one parent as rejecting, and the other parent as rejected.

During and after adolescence, children become biologically ready for partnership and parenthood. Adolescents who accept unhealthy relationship habits as normal may feel unable fulfill these needs. Instead, teenagers may withdraw or express emotional outbursts. The consequences can include:

• desperate search for adult role models
• delayed emotional maturity - perhaps for years
• emotional bonding to same-sex parent (homosexuality)
• emotional bonding to opposite sex parent (emotional incest)
• chronic anger, depression, anxiety and / or learning disabilities
• high motivation to dissociate (alcohol, drug abuse or other addictions)
• teenage-onset schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder or passive aggression

Emotional Maturity

Before emotional adolescence (which may be delayed), an adult child is likely to accept and express the rejecting parent's qualities. On gaining emotional maturity, the young adult may start accepting the rejected parent in a number of ways, including:

1. lives with the rejected parent (may avoid the rejecting parent)
2. identifies with the qualities of the rejected partner (Identification)
3. oscillates between mother's and father's behavior (Identity Conflict)
4. partners a person who has qualities of the rejected parent (Transference)
5. suffers trauma, depression or breakdown and retreats from reality (Lost Identity)

If ignored, this unpleasant drama may well continue into subsequent generations. The rejecting parent, the rejected parent and the adolescent children can benefit from our coaching, which we can provide individually or simultaneously (systemic family coaching).

Parental alienation affects the sense of life of children. People affected by PAS may become unable to feel joyously connected to their friends, partners, families, humanity and to their God. If human connectedness can be replaced by depression and suffering, then PAS is a deeply spiritual issue.

Systemic Family Coaching . Systemic Couple Coaching . Private Coaching

Chronic Anger

A symptom set commonly associated with Parent Alienation is Victim Identification. If the child perceives one parent as a victim, the child may identify with that parent and express anger or rage to the other parent (the victimizer), often explosively and inappropriately. After adolescence, the same child may identify with the rejected parent (now seen as the real victim) and express anger to the rejecting parent (now seen as the real victimizer).

Chronic Conflict

If a child tries to remain loyal to both parents, and those parents are in conflict, the child will likely be in conflict. The side of the child that supports the father will object to the side of the child that supports the other parent. The result is identity conflict. We can coach you to resolve these issues.

My ex-partner played a victim role very well, gained the sympathy of the judge and was awarded custody of our two children ... our older child is now perpetually angry, and the younger suffers from endless inner conflict.

Emotional Incest . Identification . Learning Disabilities . Stress Disorders

Power & Privilege

Emotional blackmail is a common strategy for gaining and maintaining the benefits of child custody, even though a mother who disrupts father-child contact defined by court order may be acting illegally.

The best interests of the child, in a court of law, rarely mean the child’s best interests. Parents can vote, parents can file lawsuits and parents can pay lawyers. The child’s interests and rights are usually subordinate to the parents' interests. Children of divorce are rarely represented in court, and may be emotionally crushed during their parent's childishness, rivalry and power games.

Divorce . Children of Divorce . Parent Coaching

Pleasure may be senseless for parents who have hurt or damaged their own children. Many people, fter alienating a once-loved partner, seem to depress their lives. Some common symptoms are:

Ignore personal hygiene Avoid completing essential tasks Avoid keeping track of finances

Ignore important problems Consider self-harm or suicide Do things that create problems

Typical PAS Scenario

Either parent can initiate a sequence of events leading to Parental Alienation Syndrome.

1. A separated parent states that a child does not wish to visit the other parent
2. A social worker confirms that the child does not wish to visit the other parent
3. The custodial parent and social worker report to a court
4. A court limits the child's contact with the other parent
5. The child and rejecting parent bond by their rejection of the other parent
6. The child and rejected parent lose contact until the child is adolescent
7. After adolescence, the child returns to and bonds to the rejected parent

Many people who suffered PAS as children told us that they could not cope with this situation as children, and avoided, rather than hated, the other parent. If the rejecting parent continues to reject the qualities of the rejected partner, the adult child may come to avoid or even hate the rejecting parent.

The toxicity of PAS is not only in the description of the syndrome but also in the solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes, if PAS is diagnosed, the hated parent is given custody of the child, against the child's own will. This is becoming common in America. TM, Therapist

Emotional Maturity & Child Abuse

Children may suffer from the sometimes vicious tactics that immature parents may use to punish each other. Although immature parents express depression, anger, and aggression by withdrawing love, alienating a child's parent is child abuse. Our systemic coaching can dissolve the consequences of:

• betrayal of one partner by the other
• physical, emotional or sexual abuse
• instilling children with false memories
• using children as 'dependent hostages'
• emotional incest & passive aggression
• court ordered suffering - custody by the hated parent

Spirituality seems to be about acquiring virtues - and people often develop virtues under challenging conditions. If you experience danger, you can develop courage, and if you experience lack, you can develop generosity. If you experience guilt you can develop purity, and if you experience depression, you can develop compassion. What can you develop if you experience parental alienation?

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2004-2010 All rights reserved.

Parental Alienation Syndrome — The Parent/Child Disconnect

By Amy J. L. Baker, PhD
Social Work Today
Vol. 8 No. 6 P. 26

Divorce and separation can breed bad blood between parents and children when one partner uses the children to target the other partner.

Among the many areas of concern for social workers working with divorced or separated couples with children are two related problems: parental alienation, or the efforts on the part of one parent to turn a child against the other parent, and parental alienation syndrome, or a child’s unwarranted rejection of one parent in response to the attitudes and actions of the other parent. Social workers may encounter these problems in a number of settings, such as family service agencies, schools, and family court, as well as in private practice working with high-conflict divorcing couples, parents who believe that the other parent has or will turn the children against them, alienated children refusing to see a parent, adults who are still alienated from a parent, or elders who have “lost” their children to parental alienation.

While some social workers may be unaware of the name for this particular phenomenon, they have probably dealt with it over the course of their careers. For example, clients may enter individual therapy presenting with anxiety, depression, or relationship problems and later reveal that they have been cut off from one parent by another parent. These clients may be unaware of the meaning of the lost relationship and may even minimize its effect on their growth, development, and current mental health concerns.

Children referred to a school social worker for acting out or experiencing academic problems may casually reveal that they have no contact with a “hated” parent. When questioned about the absent parent, these children may vehemently denounce the parent as “good riddance to bad rubbish.” The family of such a child may be maneuvering behind the scenes to exclude the other parent from the child’s school life by misrepresenting that parent’s intentions to school staff, withholding information from that parent to create the appearance of a lack of interest, and removing contact information from school records.

A third scenario is represented by clients who enter therapy consumed with fear that the other parent is turning the children against them. Such parents will be desperate for advice and guidance about how to cope with the chronic provocation of the other parent. These parents live with anxiety, depression, and helplessness, as well as feelings of victimization by the other parent, the child, and myriad systems (legal, mental health, school) that are not always responsive to the needs of targeted parents.

In all these cases, social workers may formulate a hypothesis that one parent has engineered the child’s rejection of the other parent. However, unless the social worker is familiar with parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome, he or she is missing a useful conceptual framework for understanding how one parent is able to poison a child’s relationship with the other parent in the absence of just cause.

Parental alienation is a set of strategies that a parent uses to foster a child’s rejection of the other parent. Parental alienation syndrome develops in children who come to hate, fear, and reject the targeted parent as someone unworthy of having a relationship with them. Richard Gardner, PhD, who coined parental alienation syndrome, described in The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Guide for Mental Health and Legal Professionals that there are eight behavioral components that have been validated in a survey of 68 targeted parents of severely alienated children (Baker & Darnall, 2007).

Eight Manifestations of Parental Alienation Syndrome

1. A Campaign of Denigration
Alienated children are consumed with hatred of the targeted parent. They deny any positive past experiences and reject all contact and communication. Parents who were once loved and valued seemingly overnight become hated and feared.

2. Weak, Frivolous, and Absurd Rationalizations
When alienated children are questioned about the reasons for their intense hostility toward the targeted parent, the explanations offered are not of the magnitude that typically would lead a child to reject a parent. These children may complain about the parent’s eating habits, food preparation, or appearance. They may also make wild accusations that could not possibly be true.

3. Lack of Ambivalence About the Alienating Parent
Alienated children exhibit a lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent, demonstrating an automatic, reflexive, idealized support. That parent is perceived as perfect, while the other is perceived as wholly flawed. If an alienated child is asked to identify just one negative aspect of the alienating parent, he or she will probably draw a complete blank. This presentation is in contrast to the fact that most children have mixed feelings about even the best of parents and can usually talk about each parent as having both good and bad qualities.

4. The “Independent Thinker” Phenomenon
Even though alienated children appear to be unduly influenced by the alienating parent, they will adamantly insist that the decision to reject the targeted parent is theirs alone. They deny that their feelings about the targeted parent are in any way influenced by the alienating parent and often invoke the concept of free will to describe their decision.

5. Absence of Guilt About the Treatment of the Targeted Parent
Alienated children typically appear rude, ungrateful, spiteful, and cold toward the targeted parent, and they appear to be impervious to feelings of guilt about their harsh treatment. Gratitude for gifts, favors, or child support provided by the targeted parent is nonexistent. Children with parental alienation syndrome will try to get whatever they can from that parent, declaring that it is owed to them.

6. Reflexive Support for the Alienating Parent in Parental Conflict
Intact families, as well as recently separated and long-divorced couples, will have occasion for disagreement and conflict. In all cases, the alienated child will side with the alienating parent, regardless of how absurd or baseless that parent’s position may be. There is no willingness or attempt to be impartial when faced with interparental conflicts. Children with parental alienation syndrome have no interest in hearing the targeted parent’s point of view. Nothing the targeted parent could do or say makes any difference to these children.

7. Presence of Borrowed Scenarios
Alienated children often make accusations toward the targeted parent that utilize phrases and ideas adopted from the alienating parent. Indications that a scenario is borrowed include the use of words or ideas that the child does not appear to understand, speaking in a scripted or robotic fashion, as well as making accusations that cannot be supported with detail.

8. Rejection of Extended Family
Finally, the hatred of the targeted parent spreads to his or her extended family. Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so are his or her extended family. Formerly beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are suddenly and completely avoided and rejected.

In a recent study (Baker & Darnall, 2007), targeted parents rated their children as experiencing these eight behavioral manifestations in a way that was generally consistent with Gardner’s theory. Parents reported that their children exhibited the eight behaviors with a high degree of frequency. One exception was alienated children being able to maintain a relationship with some members of the targeted parent’s extended family, which occurred in cases where that relative was actually aligned with the alienating parent. This suggests that the context of the contact with the targeted parent’s extended family (that relative’s role in the alienation) needs to be understood prior to concluding whether this component is present in the child.

Study of Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome
Gardner identified parental alienation syndrome only 20 years ago. However, researchers and clinicians have been concerned about these cross-generational alliances for much longer. For example, divorce researchers such as Wallerstein and colleagues (2001) have noted that some children develop unhealthy alliances with one parent while rejecting the other. Family therapists have observed that, when a child is “taller” than a parent (i.e., able to look down on), it is usually because he or she is standing on the shoulders of the other parent (i.e., being supported by).

Although this problem has long been of concern to mental health practitioners, little research has been conducted on the specific problem of children rejecting one parent due to the overt or covert influence of the other. In contrast to the dearth of research, demand for knowledge about parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome is overwhelming. There are several Web sites devoted to this problem, many of which receive tens of thousands of visits each year. The few books on divorce that discuss this problem are best sellers, and there are several Internet chat groups comprised of anxious parents who fear that the other parent of their child is turning their child against them. Saddest of all are the parents who have already lost their child to parental alienation syndrome and want to know whether they will ever get the child back.

This is the question that guided the current study on parental alienation syndrome of adults who as children had been turned against one parent by their other parent (Baker, 2007). In order to participate in the study, the individuals needed to have been alienated from one parent as a child and had to believe that the alienation was at least in part due to the actions and attitudes of the other parent. Forty adults participated in in-depth, semistructured telephone interviews. A content analysis was conducted. Some of the major themes and research findings relevant to the work of social workers are the following:

Findings

Different Familial Contexts
Parental alienation syndrome can occur in intact families, as well as divorced families, and can be fostered by fathers, mothers, and noncustodial and custodial parents. The prototypical case is a bitter ex-wife turning the children against the father in response to postdivorce custody litigation. That is one but not the only pattern. Mental health professionals should be aware that other familial contexts exist within which parental alienation syndrome can occur so as to avoid ruling out parental alienation syndrome as an explanation because the family context does not fit the prototype.

Emotional, Physical, and Sexual Abuse
Many of the interviewees revealed that the alienating parent had emotionally, physically, or sexually abused them. These data should help put to rest the prevailing notion that all children (in their naive wisdom) will ally themselves with the parent better able to attend to their needs. The people interviewed appeared to side with the parent on whom they had become dependent and whose approval they were most afraid of losing, not the parent who was most sensitive or capable.

Apparent Psychopathology
A related finding is that many of the alienating parents appeared to have features of narcissistic and/or have a borderline or antisocial personality disorder, as well as being active alcoholics. Thus, social workers providing individual therapy with a client who may have been alienated from one parent by the other should be aware of the importance of exploring these other abuse and trauma factors in the client’s early history.

Cult Parallels
Cults offer a useful heuristic for understanding parental alienation syndrome. Alienating parents appear to use many emotional manipulation and thought reform strategies that cult leaders use. Awareness of this analogy can help individuals who experienced parental alienation syndrome (and their therapists) understand how they came to ally with a parent who was ultimately abusive and damaging. The analogy is also helpful for understanding the recovery and healing process.

The research and clinical literature on recovery from cults offers useful ideas for therapists working with adult children of parental alienation syndrome. For example, the way in which a person leaves a cult has ramifications for the recovery process. Cult members can walk away from a cult, be cast out of a cult, or be counseled out of a cult. Those who walk away (come to the realization on their own that the cult is not healthy for them) and those who are counseled out (those who are exposed to a deliberate experience designed to instigate the desire to leave) tend to fare better than those who are cast out (those who are rejected from the cult for failing to meet its regulations and strictures) (Langone, 1994).

Regardless of how the cult is abandoned, leaving represents only the beginning of the recovery process. Considerable time and effort is required (usually in therapy) to process the experience and undo the negative messages from the cult that have become incorporated into the self. The same may be true of adult children of parental alienation syndrome.

Different Pathways to Realization
There appear to be many different pathways to the realization that one has been manipulated by a parent to unnecessarily reject the other parent. Eleven catalysts were described by the interview participants. This represents both good and bad news. The good news is that there are many different ways to evolve from alienation to realization. The bad news is that there is no silver bullet or magic wand to spark that process. For some participants, it was a matter of time and gaining life experience. For others, it was the alienating parent turning on them and, for others, it was becoming a parent and being the target of parental alienation from their own children. For most, the process was just that—a process.

There were a few epiphanies, but most experienced something like a slow chipping away of a long-held belief system, a slow awakening to a different truth and a more authentic self. Most gained self-respect and a connection to reality and were grateful to know “the truth.” At the same time, they acknowledged that this truth was hard won and quite painful. Once they were aware of the parental alienation, they had to come to terms with some painful truths, including that the alienating parent did not have their best interest at heart, that as children they had probably behaved very badly toward someone who did not deserve such treatment, and that they missed out on a relationship that may have had real value and benefit to them.

Long-Term Negative Effects
Not surprisingly, the adult children with parental alienation syndrome believed that this experience had negative long-term consequences for them. Many spoke of suffering from depression, turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, failed relationships and multiple divorces and, most sadly, becoming alienated from their own children later in life. In this way, the intergenerational cycle of parental alienation syndrome was perpetuated.

Wide Range of Alienation Tactics
The adult children with parental alienation syndrome described a range of alienating strategies, including constant badmouthing of the targeted parent, chronic interference with visitation and communication, and emotional manipulation to choose one parent over the other. These same strategies were confirmed in a subsequent study of close to 100 targeted parents (Baker & Darnall, 2006). More than 1,300 specific actions described were independently coded into 66 types, 11 of which were mentioned by at least 20% of the sample. There was considerable but not complete overlap in the strategies identified by the targeted parents with those described by adult children.

Working With Targeted Parents
Social workers counseling parents who are facing parental alienation need to offer support, education, and guidance. The social worker’s primary role is to help the client become educated about parental alienation (what are primary behaviors that turn a child against the other parent) and parental alienation syndrome (what are the behavioral manifestations of an alienated child) so the parent can determine whether this is in fact the problem. These clients must be encouraged to look at themselves and their relationship with their children prior to blaming the other parent for their difficulties.

If the conclusion is that parental alienation is at work, the targeted parent should be taught a series of responses to parental alienation that can allow the targeted parent to maintain the high road while not becoming overly passive or reactive. Such parents need ongoing validation and support in dealing with the pain and suffering associated with parental alienation.

Working With Alienated Children
Social workers who come into contact with children currently alienated must be self-reflective and aware so that they do not ally with the child against the targeted parent. A second concern is avoiding becoming intimidated or manipulated by the alienating parent. The child should be helped to develop critical thinking skills in order to enhance his or her ability to resist the pressure to choose sides. The targeted parent and the child’s relationship with that parent must be validated for the child. The social worker can be a role model who values and respects the targeted parent in order to counter the ongoing message that this parent is inadequate and someone to be discarded.

In private practice, family service agencies, and school settings, social workers may work with clients affected by parental alienation. Some of these individuals may even be unaware of the source of their pain and suffering and/or uninformed about the name and nature of this phenomenon. Familiarity on the part of the social worker is the first step in providing the client with information, guidance, and hope when dealing with this complicated and painful issue.

— Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, is director of research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection in New York City and author of Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind.

Resources for Targeted Parents
Amy J. L. Baker, PhD: Information about Baker’s book and e-paper, as well as links for Internet and face-to-face support groups for targeted parents and a free 45-minute video, www.amyjlbaker.com

Custody Calculation: Web site with information about a program designed to help parents have input into the creation of custody orders, www.custodycalculations.com

Divorce Support: Web site with information about divorce, www.divorcesupport.com

Parental Alienation Awareness Organization: Web site with information about parental alienation, www.parental-alienation-awareness.com

The Rachel Foundation for Family Reintegration: Organization offering reintegration programs and services for targeted parents and alienated children, www.rachelfoundation.org

References
Baker, A. J. L. (2007). Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind. New York: W. W. Norton.

Baker, A. J. L. & Darnall, D. (2006). Behaviors and strategies employed in parental alienation: A survey of parental experiences. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 45 (1/2), 97-124.

Baker, A. J. L. & Darnall, D. (2007). A construct study of the eight symptoms of severe parental alienation syndrome: A survey of parental experiences. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 47(1/2), 55-75.

Gardner, R. (1998). The parental alienation syndrome: A guide for mental health and legal professionals. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.

Langone, M. (ed) (1994). Recovery from cults: Help for victims of psychological and spiritual abuse. New York: W. W. Norton.

Wallerstein, J., Lewis, J., & Blakeslee, S. (2001). The unexpected legacy of divorce: The 25-year landmark study. New York: Hyperion.

Parental Alienation, Divorce, and Mental Illness

Parental Alienation, Divorce, and Mental Illness Tuesday, January 12, 2010

filed under: divorce logic

If you're tempted to put your kid in the middle of your conflicts with your ex, don't do it -- it could lead to serious mental illness.

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Dr. Michelle Golland: Children who are caught in the severe emotional struggle of divorcing parents may not only be suffering emotionally, but may now fall under a new definition that is being proposed for the American Psychiatric Association reference tool, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

The DSM may include a new mental illness classification: "Parental Alienation." Through his research, Dr. Bernet of Vanderbilt University has defined PA as a form of brainwashing that occurs in a small number of highly contentious divorces. Children experiencing PA develop this condition by subtle or explicit signals the alienating parent sends a child.

Parental Alienation involves mental manipulation or bullying of children, which results in the destruction of a loving or warm relationship with the other parent. Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting deprives children coping with divorce of the stable and loving relationships they need when dealing with the divorce of their parents, and in their life in general.

Children experiencing the emotional bullying by one parent against the other can develop a severe opposition to contact with one parent and/or overt hatred for one parent when there is little and often no logical reason to explain the child's behavior. During the crisis of a divorce, it is key to keep the peace between the parents so as to ensure the children do not feel put in between the conflict. Let's face it -- the couple is divorcing each other, but they should not be divorced from the children.

The healthy and reasonable parent wants to keep their children feeling emotionally safe with both parents. The desire should be to strengthen the bonds between both parents even through the divorce. A healthy parent encourages visits with the other parent, does not talk negatively about the other parent in the presence of the children, and honestly tries to set aside their own hostile feelings to help their child feel less distress. The healthy parent is sensitive to the child's feelings and needs and encourages positive feelings toward the other parent because they know it is paramount to their well being, now and in the future.

The Alienating Parent may seek emotional comfort from their child (and want validation for their pain and anger against their ex-spouse) by trying to get the child to align against the other parent. They speak negatively of their ex and subtly communicate their anger in front of the children. Alienating parents often learn how to manipulate and use their children to hurt the other parent on purpose -- and with a vengeance. The parents who are actively alienating their ex may do such things as telling the children the other parent doesn't love them or doesn't want to see them. They may destroy or hide communication from the other parent. They may give into the child's desire to avoid the parent and actually encourage such behavior rather than encourage them to have a healthy relationship with their ex.

Some Signs of Parental Alienation

• Children perceive one parent as causing financial problems for the other parent
• Children have knowledge of the divorce details or legal procedures
• Children show sudden change in attitude toward a parent, which is hostile and negative
• Child is not being delivered for court-ordered visitation and is being allowed to "choose" if they go to visit the target parent
• Child makes false allegations of abuse
• Parent asks the child to choose one parent over the other
• Parent reminds and reinforces anger and negativity toward target parent
• Parent gives the impression to the children that if they have a good time with the target parent on a visit, it will hurt them
• Parent asks the children about the other parent's personal life
• Parent "rescues" the children from the other parent when there is no danger

The APA will announce on January 20, 2010, what proposed changes will be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. If they are considering including Parental Alienation, they will begin three years of field studies, which will enable them to decide the diagnostic relevance and accuracy of Parental Alienation.

I believe it is important to realize the damaging negative emotional consequences of PA on children in high-conflict divorce. It is why I advocate for divorce therapy for any of my divorcing clients who have children. My goal is to avoid this type of harmful behavior and educate my clients on ways to create a peaceful and less stressful experience for their mutual children.

Dr. Michelle Golland is a USC graduate and a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY#16974). She works with adults, teens and is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships. Dr. Michelle Golland has given her expert advice on CNN, HLN, MSNBC, ABC, and Fox news. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two wonderfully exhausting children.

Read more: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/parental_alienation_divorce_mental_illness_dsm.php#ixzz0cRd5tMAr

Parental Alienation, Divorce, and Mental Illness | momlogic.com.

Custody and Parental Alienation in Divorce - Immediate Actions to Take and Prevent It

Custody and Parental Alienation in Divorce - Immediate Actions to Take and Prevent It

Custody and Parental Alienation in Divorce - Immediate Actions to Take to Prevent It
By Dianne Ophelia

The most important thing you can do to prevent Parental Alienation in your Divorce or Custody Case is to Act Quickly. Whatever actions you decide to take, don't wait. Every day that passes takes you further and further away from your Children.

Actions You can Take Through the Court System:

1. Document everything, absolutely everything. What occurred, what the other parent said, what you said, any statements and behavior of the children, every day.

2. Take your documentation to your attorney and explain to them that you don't want to wait to obtain custody relief from the court. Often attorneys will want you to wait 60 to 90 days or longer, which could then be too late for the children.

3. Ask for very specific Child Custody Court Orders about disparaging the other parent in front of the children; that the other parent shall encourage and see that the children exercise their time with you; and, that therapy commence immediately for the children and the parents to assist everyone in understanding how detrimental parental alienation is to children now and for years to come.

4. Make certain the aforementioned Child Custody Court Orders have "teeth." You want swift and specific remedies if the order is violated, such as a loss of time with the children by the violating parent, change of primary custody and/or mandatory therapy.

5. If the Court has the facilities for a "Case Coordinator" or "Case Management" ask that this is implemented so that you have someone you can directly report to about the activities that are taking place and they can then report directly to the court to obtain immediate remedial orders.

6. Continue to return to custody court with each violation of a court order by the opposing party. You need to establish right from the beginning, that you are not going to sit back and passively allow this type of behavior to continue.

7. Ask for primary custody in each instance, explaining that the more time the children spend with the obsessive parent, the more likely the alienation will worsen to the point that it will be irremediable.

Actions You can Take Personally

1. Keep the children out of the conflict and be certain not to engage in ANY of the behaviors of the other parent;

2. Never blame the children for their behavior. They are innocent victims and don't
understand what is being done to them. This is often difficult when they "act out."

3. Keep communication with the children open at all times. Purchase a cell phone for them to call you whenever they feel like it.

4. Stay interested in the Childrens' lives, their activities, friends, what they are interested in, movies, magazines etc. Let them know you want to be and are part of their life.

5. Send or give the children pictures, small presents or other reminders of you often.

6. Go to as many activities as possible. Even if it is a hostile environment, just show up and stay in the background, so the children can see that you are there, yet stay far away enough so that the children and/or the other parent cannot start a fight or have an emotional outburst.

7. Never play the victim, even though you are being victimized. Stay upbeat with the children and let them know they can feel totally comfortable with you.

8. Make certain the children know that you are not blaming them for their bad behavior, when the behavior is a direct result of the alienation. You don't want the children to avoid being with you because they feel guilty about prior bad behavior. They have to know that they have been and will continue to be forgiven. Be compassionate, but do set firm boundaries.


AND, MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T GIVE UP! Your children will appreciate all of your efforts, if not immediately, than once they mature and look back at the situation.

Your efforts will not go unrewarded; you may just have to be very patient waiting for the reward.

Click Here For More Information about FATHERS WINNING CUSTODY.

Dianne R. Ophelia is a Certified Family Law Specialist and is known as THE 30 YEAR DIVORCE EXPERT. She has been litigating custody and divorce cases for over 30 years, having obtained her Juris Doctorate Degree in 1977. She is considered a leader and innovator in her field.

It is Ms. Ophelia's goal to assist anyone going through the divorce or custody process by empowering them with the knowledge and ability to protect their interests both inside and outside of the Judicial System. Ms. Ophelia's writings, whether in her books, ebooks, articles or blogs, are always comprehensive, informative and easy to understand.

Click Here For Information About The Ebooks Listed Below On DIVORCE AND CUSTODY

Those Books currently available include:


Community Property
Divorce, A Survival Guide, 3rd Edition (For US Residents)
Divorce, a Survival Guide (For California Residents only)
Fathers Winning Custody
Several New Titles will be Released Soon.

Dianne also provides Family Law Divorce and Custody Mediation Services anywhere in the United States and Canada.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Custody-and-Parental-Alienation-in-Divorce---Immediate-Actions-to-Take-to-Prevent-It&id=2270778] Custody and Parental Alienation in Divorce - Immediate Actions to Take to Prevent It

After divorce fathers excluded from families

After divorce, fathers too often excluded from parenting
By Jason Aulicino

Appeared in print: Wednesday, Dec 30, 2009

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According to the Strengthening Families Act of 2003,

“Nearly 24 million children in the United States, or 34 percent of all such children, live apart from their biological father.

Forty percent of children who live in households without a father have not seen their father in at least one year.

And 50 percent of such children have never visited their father’s home.”

The Census Bureau, in 2006, found that five of every six custodial parents are mothers (83.8 percent). One in six are fathers (16.2 percent), and 37.9 percent of fathers have no access or visitation rights.

Simplified, the result of divorce for the majority of children is a fatherless home.

If you are divorced and are the noncustodial parent, then you probably have experienced first-hand the inequity that exists in divorce and child custody cases. Restrictive visitation rules — or parenting plans, as they are now called — often accompany sole custody awards regardless of circumstance. Many status quo parenting plans are not based on a presumption of shared parenting, nor do they promote a father’s presence in a child’s life after divorce.

A meta-analysis of 33 studies found that “Children living in joint physical custody arrangements had better emotional, behavioral and general adjustment on multiple objective measures, and better academic achievement, when compared to children living in the sole physical custody of mothers.”

Additionally, for parents, and more commonly fathers, who are noncustodial parents and want to have a close, loving, supportive and active role in their children’s lives, a mother’s sole custodial award results in a near impossible visitation schedule and a set of circumstances keeping them from being anything other than a mere “visitor” to their children.

In a majority of cases, sole custody can hardly be justified as promoting the “best interest of the child.”

The conditions for noncustodial parents are deplorable, marginalizing, and often create circumstances that push them out of their children’s lives, creating a preponderance of fatherless homes. In addition, economic hardships, an inability to see the children regularly due to restrictive parenting plans, and the sole custodian’s intentional interference create an unequal balance in the children’s lives. Statistics clearly show the result is the noncustodial parent’s difficulty in maintaining a close relationship with the child.

A national study found that 77 percent of noncustodial fathers are not able to visit their children, as ordered by the court, due to “visitation interference” perpetuated by the custodial parent.

Two other peer-reviewed studies indicate that 40 percent of mothers reported that they had interfered with the noncustodial father’s visitation on at least one occasion to punish the ex-spouse. And approximately 50 percent of mothers see no value in the father’s continued contact with his children.

Because it is true that sole custody is overwhelmingly awarded to the mother, a father must often take a plea-bargain approach to gain substantial parenting time and avoid a restrictive status quo visitation plan. Often fathers must willingly forfeit custody through an out-of-court settlement, even when they believe it is not in the best interest of their children, in order to avoid a worse ruling by the court. This is happening to loving, able and willing fathers who would otherwise be spending time with their children.

If the United States wants fathers to be more involved in their children’s lives, then 24 million children’s living circumstances cannot be ignored.

In addition to promoting a father’s involvement, legal policy must be altered to encourage shared parenting. Only when the laws protect a father’s relationship with his children will society begin to accept that fathers are equally capable of raising a child. Then, and only then, a father will have no need to “win” sole custody of his children to protect his relationship with them.

If a sole custody presumption promotes a father’s presence, then it fails, and it fails big time. We absolutely do not want to promote an impression that a father’s financial obligations through child support are more important for the child’s welfare than the actual contact a child has with that parent.

It is undeniably in the child’s best interest to have both parents raise, provide for, and have the ability to make decisions regarding the upbringing of a child, if they are considered fit to do so.

Perhaps now it is time for a shared-parenting standard to become law rather than just a social movement. Today, millions of children in the United States depend on it.

Jason Aulicino of Eugene (DivorcedChildrensRights@gmail.com), a father and an advocate for divorced children’s rights, is a graduate student in Conflict and Dispute Resolution at the University of Oregon School of Law.

Posted by Peter G. HIll at 5:32 AM

Thanks to Peter Hill for posting this here:
Communicationhelper: After divorce fathers excluded from families.

Interference with Visitation

1. What is Interference with visitation?

After a bitter divorce, visitation disputes can linger for years if not decades. I have seen many people ruin their lives by engaging in mental warfare with their ex-spouse over visitation disputes. In many cases, ex-wives use visitation as a bargaining chip to force their ex-husband to pay his child support. Moreover, in many cases ex-wives try to frustrate visitation so that she can essentially shut out the ex-husband. In many cases, stepfathers take over the parental responsibilities after a divorce. Unfortunately, many ex-wives frustrate visitation with the biological father if they remarry, and if the stepfather is caring and a good financial provider for the children.

Interference with visitation can take many forms. It can be attempts to prevent visits. It can be "poisoning" the child with negative talk about the other parent. It also includes the prevention of communication between the parent and the non-custodial parent. Letters, phone calls and gifts can be kept from the child. It can also be attempts to make visitation difficult by scheduling appointment or activities during the expected time of the visit.

2. What can I do if I experience interference with my visitation rights?

The courts have many remedies to address interference. These can include a make-up visit(s) for those missed, increased visitation time, fines, and even possible jail time. Some courts will find the custodial parent in contempt of the court-ordered visitation schedule. In extreme cases, the courts may remove the children from the custodial parent and place them with the other.

In my experience the best strategy to avoid repeated interference with visitation is to require that all of the pick up and drop off of the children occur at the local police station. The parties will be forced to act more civil to each other if they have to conduct their "business" at the police station. Moreover, if one party fails to appear, then a police incident report can be prepared to document any violations of any court orders.

3. I never get to have visitation(s) with my children. Do I still have to pay child support?

The answer to this question is an unequivocal "Yes." Visitation and child support are two separate and distinct issues. The custodial parent has a duty to allow a non-custodial parent visitation with the children, and the non-custodial parent has the duty to pay child support. If there is interference with your visitation, then you must file a motion in the family court to enforce your visitation rights.

A non-custodial parent can file a motion to have the child support placed in an escrow account until any visitation disputes are resolved. In many cases, the best method to convince an embittered ex-wife to permit visitation is to exert financial pressure on her. It may be advisable to file a motion and request that the court order that the Probation Department hold all of the child support payments in escrow until any visitation dispute(s) are resolved. If the judge is open minded, then he may carefully consider this request.

4. Can interference with visitation amount to a substantial change of circumstances to warrant a change of custody?

Interference by one parent in the relationship of a child and the other parent is almost never in the child's best interests. Most courts and experts agree that except in unusual cases it is most important for a child to have a strong relationship with both parents. Thus, courts will typically conclude that an award of custody to the parent who is most likely to foster as relationship between the child and the other parent is in the child's best interests. For this reason, if a custodial parent has demonstrated in the past a pattern of interference with the relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent, unless other facts dictate a difference holding, a court will frequently conclude that a substantial chance in circumstances justifying a change of custody has occurred.

The most common form of interference with parental rights which is remedied by courts occurs when custodial parents consistently refuse to turn children over to the non-custodial parent for a court-ordered visitation. The fact that the courts frequently order changes of custody changes of custody in these circumstances is perfectly understandable, since a court-ordered visitation is often the non-custodial parent's only connections to his or her children. If this visitation is frustrated, the child's best interests are clearly injured because the child will be completely deprived of a relationship with the non-custodial parent.

Courts frequently conclude that where the custodial attempts to show the other parent in a negative light, a substantial change in circumstance has occurred which justifies a change of custody. Experts generally agree that when a custodial parent speaks negatively about the non-custodial parent in presence of the child, a custodial parent causes great damage to the emotional and mental health of the child.

5. What legal clauses should I insert into the divorce judgment to protect my visitation rights?

In order to prevent a child's relationship with the non-custodial parent from deteriorating, certain provisions should be standard in every divorce judgment. First, every divorce judgment should require each person with a right to custody or visitation to foster the relationship between the child and other persons who have a right to custody or visitation. Second, every divorce judgment should state that persons who have custodial or visitation rights should not speak ill of another person who has custodial or visitation rights. Third, there should be restrictions on a custodial parent's right to relocate without informing the court or the non-custodial parent.

These three provisions will not guarantee that no problems with custody or visitation will occur. If the above provisions are inserted into a divorce judgment, then a violation of a specific provision could lead to a contempt violation. While not a panacea, the above three provisions may give the non-custodial parent the extra edge which he or she may need in any post-judgment custody dispute. Furthermore, since the provisions encourage a strong relationship between both parent the child, such provisions are generally in the child's best interest.

6. My evil ex-wife will not permit me to have visitation with my children? The family courts are useless, and my wife simply ignores all of the judge's orders. Can I file criminal charges against my ex-wife from hell?

In the event that the family courts fail to adequately resolve visitation disputes, then a person might consider filing a criminal charge against their ex-spouse for criminal interference with visitation/custody. The remedy is powerful indeed, but the right circumstances must exist for it to be sought. The statute for violation of visitation/custody rights is N.J.S.A. 2C:13-4. A violation of the interference with custody statute is a third degree crime, unless the child is taken, detained, enticed or concealed outside the United States, in which it is a crime of the second degree.

In addition to a possible jail term, a person convicted of interference with custody/visitation of a minor child will be required to make restitution of all reasonable expenses and costs. This includes reasonable counsel fees incurred by the other parent in securing the child's return.

The county prosecutors are very reluctant to get involved in family law disputes. It will be very hard to convince a prosecutor to pursue an indictment for interference with visitation rights. I would advise a client to file a motion in the Family Court, and request that the judge refer the case to the county prosecutor for a review for a possible indictment. The county prosecutor may take a serious look at a criminal charge for criminal interference with visitation/custody rights if it is referred to their office by a judge. In all likelihood, the county prosecutor still will decline to pursue an indictment. However, the custodial spouse when faced with the enormous threats and pressure of being indicted, probably will cave in and permit visitation.

7. Can I sue my ex-wife for her constant interference with my visitation rights?

Yes. The deliberate interference with the legal right of a spouse to custody and visitation is a marital tort. Therefore, if you ex-spouse ruins your relationship with your children by interfering with your visitation, then you can sue her in the civil courts for a tort claim. It must be emphasized that marital tort claims for interference with visitation rights are very rarely filed. The right to file a tort for this type of cause of action does indeed exist. However, there are many types of laws and potential claims of action that exist in the books, but in the real world do not exist. If a marital tort for interference with custody/visitation rights is filed then in all likelihood, the civil court would transfer the case to the Family Court.

There are some powerful benefits to filing a marital tort though. The filing of a lawsuit will convey to your ex-wife that you mean business, and that you are not going away. The ex-wife may try to resolve the visitation dispute to avoid the costs of hiring a lawyer to respond to the lawsuit. Many times that sole purpose of filing a lawsuit is to force the parties to reach a compromise. Therefore, in many cases the filing of a marital tort can force a settlement.

8. What are some practical tips to enforce my visitation rights?

I always advise my client to keep a calendar. Have witnesses when trying to pick up a child. Call police as a civil standby, and obtain incident reports from them later. Always make sure that all parties are well informed as to the time and place of the pick up or exchange. If you can do this in writing, so much the better, it will prove a record if needed later. Keep and organize all written correspondence with the other parent. Keep all this together with your journal. If after doing all of the above, the custodial parent still denies your visitation, then file a contempt motion against her.

Information provided by:
Theodore Sliwinski, Esq. located at
http://www.divorcecenterofnj.com