The Evils of Parental Alienation

I found this great website written by a dad exposing the Evils of Parental Alienation. It is directly to the point. Enjoy.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Jealousy, the root of all Evil

Gentlemen, and I am speaking just to the husbands who have remarried and are victims of an Attack from an ex-wife in the form of Parental Alienation, Stand by and protect your Wife!

It will be very difficult for you to see and understand the events and changes that occur through this ordeal but having said that, one thing is very clear and that is to stand with and defend your new wife. She will be the target of this assault also and suffer greatly because of her new relationship with you. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. This is a huge problem and your chances of a loving and successful marriage, goes down, not up in your next attempt. Many factors play into this but without a doubt, your ex spouse will play a role in destroying your new relationship also.

Jealousy; Men have those feelings but I contend, and documentation will support, that women are more effected by this emotion that men. This emotion is evil and destructive. It has no place in your world or your mind. If you are harboring such feelings, cut them lose now before it ruins your life. Jealousy is a sin and one that no relationship can survive.

Jealousy is a major role in Parental Alienation. Your ex-spouse may have always felt intimidated by your success, by your friends, by your relationship with your family, and with your relationship with your own children. She most certainly will be jealous if you remarry to a woman that is bright, intelligent and whom people consider a very beautiful lady. If your ex is insecure with their own place in life, it will manifest itself with words and actions that attempt to cast you or your new wife as a failure in some aspect. This is a personality disorder where they cannot elevate themselves so they seek to mitigate and destroy your standing. In their mind, this brings you to their level or elevates them is some way. Again, this is a mental issue and one that WILL lead to PAS as they pursue this conduct with the children. Understand that in my case my ex filed many court declarations over a year’s time and 68 times she mentioned my new wife by name in her statements enraged lies. 179 times my ex referred to a money issue and only 6 times did she have any concern for the boys. Her main concern was with Money and then attacks against Jan. Even the court investigator referenced this in her findings (all public record). The psychologist that saw my ex, documented that she had an extreme anger problem and that the PA she was conducting, was the worse he had seen in his 26 years “over the top bad”! You may have a different view but I believe that this indicates where her mind was and is. Its leans toward evil with money and jealousy at the root and heart of it.

These are reasons you must recognize PA as soon as possible. You must discuss this with your spouse and inform yourselves of all the troubles and issues you will be facing. You as a father will attempt to be a peace maker as PA takes hold between your new wife and your children. Read the information in this blog and many others. Read the books about Divorce Poison and forms of PAS. Speak with your church members together. It is a must for your relationship to get support from friends and to raise your relationship with God. PA was documented in the Bible, read it, see its effects. You must stay united, and for you husband’s that love your children, taking a stand that seems against all you know about your children, will be very difficult!

Understand that they are victims also but you can be no help to them if you can’t maintain your relationship with your wife. Yes, you must understand that Children will also be jealous of the time and affection you show your new wife. Make sure you both spread the love around!

I am very proud of the woman I chose to re-marry to. In most every way, she is very different from my ex. Jan, my sons step mother is a very strong and independent woman that raised her 5 kids on her own with no support from her ex husband or from the state. She worked hard at raising and trading horses. She drove school bus and sold real estate. She opened her home to trouble youth by running a foster home for the most angry children in the system. Her efforts won her many awards for her outstanding service to those young people.

Jan was an exemplary mother figure for my 4 boys and had a huge positive effect on their lives, up until the point that their mother stepped up her Parental Alienation agenda and targeted Jan for her anger and abusive comments. As much personal pain as I felt from the effects of PA, the pain I felt for Jan was greater than my own. To see my ex wife attack Jan in such a way and to use the my own boys as a weapon against my new wife, caused me unbearable pain.

Jan was a very good mother to my sons. She help my youngest to read and grow to really enjoy reading. He became a great reader and a very good student because of Jan and her efforts to help him. She made a huge change in our lives as she showed us all what a loving wife and mother could be. She cared for us with great homemade meals and took the time and effort to make sure the boys learned how to cook and take responsibility to clean up after themselves also. She led the way in manners at the table by playing a game involving table manners at dinner time. She encouraged us all to be respectful and show politeness to adults and the public with her own words and actions. As a former standout sports star, she helped the boys understand the level of commitment and hard work that goes into physical achievement, that it is the effort and not some misguided verbal attacks on coaches or referees that make you a winner.

My new wife came into our marriage with her own savings and invested those moneys into her new family. One of the very 1st things she did was to buy 2 very well bred and very well trained horses for the two youngest boys because she wanted them on safe horses that they would enjoy. Jan bought the boys new bed room sets that they could be proud of before buying anything for herself. She took the boys with her on family visits (many times drove 6 hours one way to get Colton out to the ranch or pick him up) and vacations alone when I could not attend. She was the driving force behind our family camping, hunting and vacations. When I was away for my job, Jan would get up early and take Dakota out to his hunting spot. She even took them snowmobiling by herself when I could not be there. The boys could not have hoped to have a more supporting and involved mother. They benefited greatly with their time with Jan and with luck, they will carry those good memories and lessons with them the rest of their lives.

My sons grew to love and respect Jan very quickly. I believe that my ex became very jealous of this situation. A situation where they were speaking very highly of Jan to their mother and explaining all the new things she did for them. As documented from court declarations, their mother was not supportive of this and considered the boys views of their step mother as a direct threat to her own position as a mother. She began using PA as a weapon as an effort to destroy this growing relationship and therefore protect herself as the only good and true mother.

As a dumbfounded male, I was wondering why we couldn’t all just get along. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail I attempted to work with my sons mother. I asked her to attend the sports programs, to move into the school district, we (jan and I) asked the boys to sit with and speak with her at the games. We both encouraged the boys to be respectful of and mind their mother while at her house. Yet actions speak loader than words as she bought 7 cars, 2 houses, refused to drive the boys to sports practices and would go out partying at night while they were in her care. The boys had to wake up with strangers in the house and witness what their mother wrote to me in an e-mail “I have young men standing in line”. They complained about their clothes smelling like smoke, they were sadden (reported to an investigator) that their mother would go out at night 2-3 times a week while they were at her house (every other week). Perhaps her actions were in part my fault because when I divorced her for sleeping around, I gave her a lot of money, everything I could scrap together at the time. So much, that I was greatly indebt following the divorce but I never wanted anyone or my sons to insinuate that I was not fair in the settlement. I believe that my ex had no idea how to be responsible with those funds (sadly, she now teaches this pattern to the boys). Nightlife, parties and gambling consumed the entire sum and she filed bankruptcy. After that filing is where she started after the boys in earnest. She needed money and if she could get custody, she could live off the child support.

Long here and getting off point.

Gentlemen, all I can say to you is to stand with your woman! As hard as this PAS is on you, understand that she also suffers greatly and that she needs you!

This has grown a little long and has not even touched the extent of my situation but I leave you today with one learned piece of advice. Love your wife, trust her, communicate with her and if forced to make a choice between her and your children that are being alienated, adore and love your wife! There may be nothing you can do right for your children under PSA but you can and must do right by your wife.

Trust in God and follow the word of the Bible. The Bible will give you the strength to deal with the problems and the wisdom to make the correct decisions.

Jan took Dakota and grand kids to the zooBoys having fun with Jans Grand kidsJan and boys at the fishing lake we rode intoJan took the boys for a ranch vacationJan enjoying snowmobling with the boysJan took the boys to a ranch danceJan with the boys Great GrandmotherJan and the boys having a great Colo tripFamily having fun outside in the sunJan, Dakota and Colton having fun riding4 boys having fun with Jan in the snowKaleb, Dakota and Colton having a blast with JanMe, Jan, Kaleb, Mom and Colton

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After divorce fathers excluded from families

After divorce, fathers too often excluded from parenting
By Jason Aulicino

Appeared in print: Wednesday, Dec 30, 2009

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According to the Strengthening Families Act of 2003,

“Nearly 24 million children in the United States, or 34 percent of all such children, live apart from their biological father.

Forty percent of children who live in households without a father have not seen their father in at least one year.

And 50 percent of such children have never visited their father’s home.”

The Census Bureau, in 2006, found that five of every six custodial parents are mothers (83.8 percent). One in six are fathers (16.2 percent), and 37.9 percent of fathers have no access or visitation rights.

Simplified, the result of divorce for the majority of children is a fatherless home.

If you are divorced and are the noncustodial parent, then you probably have experienced first-hand the inequity that exists in divorce and child custody cases. Restrictive visitation rules — or parenting plans, as they are now called — often accompany sole custody awards regardless of circumstance. Many status quo parenting plans are not based on a presumption of shared parenting, nor do they promote a father’s presence in a child’s life after divorce.

A meta-analysis of 33 studies found that “Children living in joint physical custody arrangements had better emotional, behavioral and general adjustment on multiple objective measures, and better academic achievement, when compared to children living in the sole physical custody of mothers.”

Additionally, for parents, and more commonly fathers, who are noncustodial parents and want to have a close, loving, supportive and active role in their children’s lives, a mother’s sole custodial award results in a near impossible visitation schedule and a set of circumstances keeping them from being anything other than a mere “visitor” to their children.

In a majority of cases, sole custody can hardly be justified as promoting the “best interest of the child.”

The conditions for noncustodial parents are deplorable, marginalizing, and often create circumstances that push them out of their children’s lives, creating a preponderance of fatherless homes. In addition, economic hardships, an inability to see the children regularly due to restrictive parenting plans, and the sole custodian’s intentional interference create an unequal balance in the children’s lives. Statistics clearly show the result is the noncustodial parent’s difficulty in maintaining a close relationship with the child.

A national study found that 77 percent of noncustodial fathers are not able to visit their children, as ordered by the court, due to “visitation interference” perpetuated by the custodial parent.

Two other peer-reviewed studies indicate that 40 percent of mothers reported that they had interfered with the noncustodial father’s visitation on at least one occasion to punish the ex-spouse. And approximately 50 percent of mothers see no value in the father’s continued contact with his children.

Because it is true that sole custody is overwhelmingly awarded to the mother, a father must often take a plea-bargain approach to gain substantial parenting time and avoid a restrictive status quo visitation plan. Often fathers must willingly forfeit custody through an out-of-court settlement, even when they believe it is not in the best interest of their children, in order to avoid a worse ruling by the court. This is happening to loving, able and willing fathers who would otherwise be spending time with their children.

If the United States wants fathers to be more involved in their children’s lives, then 24 million children’s living circumstances cannot be ignored.

In addition to promoting a father’s involvement, legal policy must be altered to encourage shared parenting. Only when the laws protect a father’s relationship with his children will society begin to accept that fathers are equally capable of raising a child. Then, and only then, a father will have no need to “win” sole custody of his children to protect his relationship with them.

If a sole custody presumption promotes a father’s presence, then it fails, and it fails big time. We absolutely do not want to promote an impression that a father’s financial obligations through child support are more important for the child’s welfare than the actual contact a child has with that parent.

It is undeniably in the child’s best interest to have both parents raise, provide for, and have the ability to make decisions regarding the upbringing of a child, if they are considered fit to do so.

Perhaps now it is time for a shared-parenting standard to become law rather than just a social movement. Today, millions of children in the United States depend on it.

Jason Aulicino of Eugene (DivorcedChildrensRights@gmail.com), a father and an advocate for divorced children’s rights, is a graduate student in Conflict and Dispute Resolution at the University of Oregon School of Law.

Posted by Peter G. HIll at 5:32 AM

Thanks to Peter Hill for posting this here:
Communicationhelper: After divorce fathers excluded from families.

Heisman Trophy Winner Winner Reminds Fathers of Their Children’s Unconditional Love

Heisman Trophy Winner Winner Reminds Fathers of Their Children’s Unconditional Love

January 4, 2010 · Filed Under Sports, Young Adults, college, football, inspiration, inspire, motivation, parents, self help, sports camps

MARK INGRAM LEARNS FROM FATHER’S MISTAKES

“My father has been a great influence on my life, and I love him to death.” Those are the words from Heisman Trophy Winner Mark Ingram, of the University of Alabama at a news conference after his win. He reminded fathers of the importance of their influence in a child’s life, despite mistakes. He also reminded sons and daughters of the importance of forgiving parents.

His father, Mark Ingram, Sr, a former Super Bowl star himself for the New York Giants, was incarcerated on bank fraud and money-laundering charges. He watched his son’s big win on a prison television a few miles away.

Mark, Jr. made it known that he still has a great relationship with his father. In his acceptance speech he said, “The fact I could do this for my family was real special for me, and for my teammates and my coaches and everyone involved in my life.” He added. “It’s really important to me that I can do it for them.” There was no question for those who know Mark Jr., he was thinking of his father.

“I talk to my dad about two or three times a week,” says Mark. Jr. “He’s real proud of me. He’s excited and he’s doing fine.

“I’m sure it’s frustrating for him that he can’t be here, but it is what it is. You have to keep living and you have to learn from your mistakes. He’s a better man for what he’s been through, and I’m a better man because I’ve learned from stuff he’s been through. I know he’s here in spirit and I love him and he loves me, too, and that’s all that matters.

According to Project Fatherhood (children’s Institute) father absence is a fact of life for about a third of American children (about 25 million of the 75 million kids in the United states).

Many fathers who are separated from their children because they leave home over financial challenges, incarceration, divorce, or those who become homeless, feel their children will not forgive them, so they refuse contact. However, Mark Jr., who learned from his father’s mistakes still heeds his advice. On the night of his acceptance, he spoke to his father, “He told me to enjoy it, have fun, and live for the moment.”

As fathers we have to remember how important it is to express our love for our children, whether it is verbal, or non-verbal. We need to communicate as much as humanely possible and put the past pain, resentment and anger behind us.

Walter Jackson is a motivational speaker and the author of “Sporting the Right Attitude: Lessons Learned in a Troubled Family,” a finalist in the National USA BOOK NEWS “Best Book Awards” in two categories sports autobiographies and youth issues. Visit: www.SportingtheRightAttitude.net

Tags: attitude, BCS, family, Heisman, Heisman Trophy, inspiration, inspire, Mark Ingram, motivation, National Championship, self help athletes, sporting, Sports, superstar athletes, University of Alabama, youth

Child Custody Case to study Constitutional Protections

Fathers frequently left without significant contact
Posted: May 12, 2009
10:58 pm Eastern

By Bob Unruh
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

A court hearing is scheduled tomorrow on arguments that allege the basic child custody procedures used by judges in Bradley County, Tenn., are unconstitutionally biased in favor of one parent.

WND previously reported on the case stemming from a divorce dispute that attorney Stanley Charles Thorne believes could impact custody decisions nationwide, because it calls down the authority of the 14th Amendment's equal protection clause to help fathers who are good parents.

According to Thorne, the case before Circuit Judge J. Michael Sharp is testing the court procedures used in the child custody case of 3-year-old Kate Hopkins, which began in 2007.

After more than two years in court and five different judges, the case is set for trial beginning May 27 in Sharp's courtroom. But Sharp is hearing the constitutional issues before the rest of the case is heard.

Attorney Jeffrey Miller will argue on behalf of fit Tennessee parents and their children, and an attorney from the Tennessee attorney general's office, Warren Jasper, is expected to argue on behalf of the standard procedures.

According to a statement from Thorne, one of the procedures that will be challenged is the "80-day rule" created by local judges. It automatically takes effect as soon as a child custody case is filed, allowing one parent only 80 days a year with the child while the other parent is allowed 285 days – regardless of circumstances.

The rule, Miller argues, discriminates against one parent, violating the principle of equal protection as well as due process, since it is imposed without a hearing.

Such procedures would be banned if Sharp rules the practices are unconstitutional, Thorne's statement said.

Hundreds of divorce cases are filed daily across the U.S., and according to the Children'sJustice.org website, custody dispute cases leave nearly 38 percent of the fathers with no access or visitation rights to their children. In addition, four in 10 mothers report they interfered with the father's visitation to punish him at least once, half the mothers see "no value" in the father's continued contact with his children and 70 percent of the fathers wanted more time with their kids.

Thorne is serving as a consultant in the case of Jeremy Hopkins, a successful lawyer, in his attempts to be treated the same as his daughter's mother, Elisabeth, also a successful lawyer, in their custody of Kate.

Since the mother left the family in Tennessee and took Kate to Pennsylvania about two years ago, Jeremy Hopkins has been allowed only sporadic days with his daughter.

"All I want for my daughter is for her to have mom and a dad," Jeremy Hopkins told WDEF-TV in Chattanooga.

Michael McCormick of the Institute for American Families said the system is set up to pit a mother against a father in a marital dispute, when it should be working to accommodate the needs of a child for both a mother and father.

"The courts are going to pick a winner and a loser and when they do that, the child ultimately loses," he told the station at a recent rally regarding the case.

"If we look at what's happening to our society we can trace the social pathologies just as increased rates of incarceration, early sexual activity for girls, truancy issues related to the family breaking down and the social fabric of our society is breaking down in terms of the family breaking down, we are being weaken as a nation and we need to change that," McCormick added.

He estimates 17 million fathers nationwide do not have fair access to their children, and about 3 million mothers have the same problem.

Thorne, who has 25 years experience as a lawyer, most recently has specialized in constitutional issues in family courts, representing parents and children on various issues.

The family's life was disrupted by the mother's decision to leave, Thorne said, but the relationship of the father and daughter was aggravated by a "family court system that cares for neither of them while it keeps them mired in a swamp of never-ending legal hassles just to be together."

"Many constitutional issues will be decided by Kate Hopkins' case," he continued. "Perhaps the most important is where the Constitution draws the line to protect the relationship between an innocent child and an innocent parent from government interference."

he dispute came to a head just before last Christmas, following the expiration of the most recent visitation order. Jeremy Hopkins, on a scheduled visit with his daughter, decided to have her stay in Tennessee until a court hearing on the required court-ordered visitation plan.

Instead, he was arrested for interfering with a custodial plan, "even though there was no court order in force," and his daughter was returned to Pennsylvania. The warrant later was quashed by a judge, who essentially determined it never should have been issued.

Thorne questioned the legal system ordering a child taken from one parent "when the child is in no danger … and the child has never been abused, neglected, or harmed" and given to another parent absent a court order.

The 14th Amendment states: "No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

"This case affects not just the people of Tennessee," Thorne said. "This is huge."

Numerous organizations are working for the rights of fathers in disputes like the Tennessee case, including FathersCustody.org, LongDistanceParenting.org, Fathers False Charges Helpline, Fathers National Lawyers Referral, WinningCustody.com and FathersRights.org.

The original article can be found here:
http://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=97943