Resolve Parental Alienation (PAS) Part 1

Resolve Parental Alienation (PAS) Part 1 by Martyn Carruthers Would you like to benefit from our experience?

We offer coaching and training on family coaching, relationship happiness,
dissolving emotional incest and resolving parenting stress.

Parent Alienation 1: Before Adolescence

Parent Alienation 2: After Adolescence . Emotional Incest

When Children Hate Parents

Although it is a crime to 'incite hatred on the basis of color, religion, or creed', inciting hatred is common in dysfunctional families. A family member may be manipulated to hate another family member. A parent who incites a child to hate the other parent is guilty of Parental Alienation (PAS) - sometimes called emotional blackmail. Children are abused so that a partner can gain an advantage.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is often accompanied by emotional incest, in which a parent or guardian seems to be too close to a child. Often, the resulting relationship bonds cannot be rationalized and changed without help.

Many consequences are immediate, and some are delayed for years. Later in life many abused people experience intense buried emotions and limiting beliefs from this damage, although they rarely identify the root cause. Common consequences of PAS are mentor damage, chronic conflict and identification with a victim.

Parents who deliberately hurt children may feel a diminished relationship with their community, with their God and with humanity. (This diminished sense of life seems to be equally true for agnostics and atheists.) By Sense of Life I refer to the sense of purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.

Our systemic coaching can help prevent partnership breakdown, dissolve its consequences and prevent recurrence. PAS is not gender-based - both fathers and mothers play and lose this terrible game.

My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father!

There are systemic causes and consequences when a child rejects a parent. Both the family and the community (and courts) often respond emotionally, usually to support the weaker parent, regardless of any manipulation used to incite the child's rejection or to make the other partner seem somehow bad.

In extreme cases, a child victim of parental alienation may commit abuse and violence against a parent. A child, especially during adolescence (which may be delayed) may attack or abuse the hated parent.

Who Gets Hurt?

Children are intelligent and sensitive to family relationships. Although many adults may consider children to be stupid and naive - children may be unable to communicate their observations using adult language, and be may ignored or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.

• A child may be manipulated by a parent who wants to punish the other, or for custody
• A child may be simultaneously manipulated by both parents to reject each other
• A child may be guided by family, community or cult members to reject their parents
• Adopted children may be encouraged to dislike or reject their birth parents

A child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and the supported parent will show predictable, often severe emotional consequences. The suffering associated with these consequences is often ignored.

Parent Alienation Syndrome may include emotional incest. If so, later in life, the emotionally entangled or enmeshed adult child may suffer partnership problems and sexual dysfunction.

Coaching Children . Mother-Son Entanglement . Father-Daughter Bonds

Parents who Alienate Children

Parental alienation predicts common behavior patterns that we often see during marriage counseling, family therapy and couple coaching, especially concerning separation and custody of children. However, most families, communities and courts seem to support biological mothers and deny support or custody to biological or substitute fathers, regardless of facts.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Either parent can initiate a sequence of events leading to PAS.

1. A custodial parent of pre-adolescent children rejects the partner
2. The children are loyal to that parent by rejecting their other parent
3. The custodial parent asks the children to tell the truth
4. The children support their custodial parent and reject their other parent - with lies
5. The rejection of the other parent may include false memories implanted by the custodial parent
6. Following emotional maturity, alienated children may reject their custodial parent and turn to their rejected parent

Sequence of Parental Alienation

1. The parents of children experience a partnership crisis that they cannot resolve
2. Instead of getting help, they become emotionally entangled in their crisis
3. One or both parents neglect the consequences on their children
4. One parent consciously rejects the partner's qualities (behavior, beliefs and / or values)
5. That parent also rejects the partner's qualities in the child (e.g. don't act like your father!)
6. The child denies or suppresses qualities similar to those of the rejected parent
7. The child identifies with the rejecting parent, who is often perceived as a victim
   
8. The child dislikes and represses the dangerous qualities of the rejected parent
9. The child dislikes people who have similar qualities to the rejected parent
10. The child rejects the rejected parent - privately or publicly

The toxicity of PAS is not only in the description of the syndrome but also in the solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes, if PAS is diagnosed, the hated parent is given custody of the child, against the child's own will. This is becoming common in America. TM, Therapist

Part 2: After Adolescence

Immaturity & Child Abuse

Children may suffer from the sometimes vicious tactics that immature parents may use to punish each other. Although immature parents express depression, anger, and aggression by withdrawing love, alienating a child's parent is child abuse. We coach people to dissolve the consequences of:

• emotional incest
• physical, emotional or sexual abuse
• instilling children with false memories
• abusing children as dependent hostages
• betrayal or abandonment of one partner by the other
• court ordered suffering - child custody by the hated parent

Legal Solutions for PAS ... Your Next Step

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2004-2010 All rights reserved.

Parental Rights Needs Help in Your State

Parental Rights Needs Help in Your State

It is January, and that means State legislatures are (or soon will be) gearing up again. Several of these State bodies will be considering resolutions calling on the U.S. Congress to pass the Parental Rights Amendment to the States for ratification.

A few states which will or may introduce such resolutions include California, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Michigan, Oklahoma, Utah, and Virginia. ParentalRights.org stands ready to supply sample wording and other resources for any state that may wish to consider such a measure.

As a result, we would like to urge you this week to investigate your state legislature. Here’s all we’d ask you to do:

Action Item

• Visit our States Watch page and click on your State to see if a parental rights resolution has already been introduced in your legislature. (As of this email, only Virginia and Hawaii are definites.)
• Visit your state legislature’s website to find and write down the contact information for your state lawmakers.
• If there is already a resolution in your state, contact your lawmakers and urge them to support that resolution for the sake of parents, families, and the rights of your particular state.
• If there is not already a resolution in your state, contact your lawmakers and urge them to champion such a resolution. Tell them ParentalRights.org would welcome contact from them, and we would be happy to provide them with sample language from which such a resolution can be written. You might even offer to contact us on their behalf and get that information for them!
• Remember to follow up in a couple of weeks to make sure your efforts are moving things forward. Many state legislatures won’t be convened for long, so time is of the essence.

Join the Network Click here to sign up for this weekly newsletter and/or action alerts regarding parental rights.

Amendment Cosponsors To date we have 129 cosponsors in the U.S. House and 6 cosponsors in the U.S. Senate.

Become a Member Your gift of just $25 or more will support our on-going efforts, and we'll send 2 decals to recognize your donation.

View This Email Online In case there are updates or you have trouble viewing this properly, you can view it online here.

Know Your Civil Rights - Encounters With Law Enforcement or Child Protective Services

Published on FlexYourRights.org (http://www.flexyourrights.org)
At Your Door Scenario

In any given police visit to your home, with a few notable exceptions, the below rules will help protect your civil rights and improve your chances of leaving safely—so you don't have to be a legal expert to do the right thing.

1) Keep Your Private Items Out of View
This is common sense: Always keep any private items that you don't want others to see out of sight. Legally speaking, police do not need a search warrant in order to confiscate any illegal items that are in plain view. Bear in mind that, without a search warrant, police cannot enter you home under any circumstances. Still, if they see something suspicious in the proximity of your house, they could arrive with a warrant quickly and unexpectedly.

2) Do Not Let Them Enter
Exit the house and close the door behind you before greeting the officer. Regardless of what the officer says, there is no reason they need to be allowed into your home. Permitting an officer to enter your home is the equivalent of waiving your Fourth Amendment right against unreasonable searches and seizures. Without a warrant, police officers absolutely cannot enter your home without your permission or an emergency circumstance that could justify their entry.

3) Be Courteous & Non-Confrontational
If a police officer contacts you at your home, remain calm. Ask the Officer "How can I help you?" While you may not be pleased to have the police at your door, it is best to treat them as you would any other unexpected visitor. You have nothing to gain -- and everything to lose – by allowing hostilities to emerge.

Even if the officers are being belligerent it's always in your best interest to remain calm, courteous and non-confrontational.

4) Determine the Reason for the Officer's Visit
In many cases, the Officer's visit will have nothing to do with you personally. They may be seeking information about a crime committed in your neighborhood. In other instances, they may have concerns about activities taking place in your home. While you are under no obligation to answer police questions, it will often be possible to terminate the encounter simply by agreeing to turn down your music or bring your barking dog in from the backyard. If the police officer indicates that he or she would like to enter your home, you have become a criminal suspect and must be prepared to exercise your constitutional rights.

5) Just Say "No" to Warrantless Searches
WARNING: If a police officer asks your permission to search your home you are under no obligation to consent. The only reason he's asking you is because he doesn't have enough evidence to search without your consent. If you consent to a search request you give up one of the most important constitutional rights you have -- your Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and seizures.

A majority of avoidable police searches occur because citizens naively waive their Fourth Amendment rights by consenting to warrantless searches. As a general rule, if a person consents to a warrantless search, the search automatically becomes reasonable and therefore legal. Consequently, whatever an officer finds during such a search can be used to convict the person.

Don't expect a police officer to tell you about your right not to consent. Police officers are not required by law to inform you of your rights before asking you to consent to a search. In addition, police officers are trained to use their authority to get people to consent to a search, and most people are predisposed to comply with any request a police officer makes. For example, the average motorist stopped by a police officer who asks them, "Would you mind if I search your vehicle, please?" will probably consent to the officer's search without realizing that they have every right to deny the officer's request.

If, for any reason you don't want the officer digging through your belongings, you should refuse to consent by saying something like, "Officer, I know you want to do your job, but I do not consent to any searches of my private property." If the officer still proceeds to search you and finds illegal contraband, your attorney can argue that the contraband was discovered through an illegal search and hence should be thrown out of court.

You should never hesitate to assert your constitutional rights. Just say "NO"!

6) Do Not Answer Questions without Your Attorney Present
There is no reason to worry that your failure to answer the officer's questions will later be used against you. The truth is just the opposite: Anything you say can, and probably will, be used against you.

In just about any case imaginable, a person is best off not answering any questions about his involvement in anything illegal. Assert your Fifth and Sixth Amendment rights by saying these exact words: "Officer, I have nothing to say until I speak with a lawyer."

*Remember- If you do choose to answer any of the officer's questions, always be honest. Police are not easily tricked and will often become hostile if they feel disrespected. If you feel it is best not to answer truthfully, then don't say anything at all.

Source URL:
http://www.flexyourrights.org/at_your_door